| I cant feel my ears anymore. Can you ever feel your ears? Good point. |
[28 Mar 2009|02:06pm] |
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 depressed |
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so its been like an million years since i've posted.
lets see. Aaron and I are going awesome. we had a rough patch but we worked threw it. it will be 5 months next wednesday. But dispite all the amazing times we have to together, theres still this other guy in my mind. and who know. maybe he will always be there. i dont ever want to forget him because so many things have happened between us. but im scared to see how i will feel when we finally hang out. i would hate to have feelings resurface that i thought were gone. but i propbaly dont even have to worry about it because i dont really see us ever hanging out.
on a second note, i have a second job now. its an overnight babysitting job. i work 6pm-8am ever sunday, monday, tuesday and every other wednesday. its alright. im making money.
my car and i are no longer friends. im not putting anymore money into it. i want to get a jeep.
im being replaced. and it hurts. really bad. but you dont even seem to notice or care. and i dont know what im supposed to do about it. i really dont feel like i can say anything about it. because to be honest it wouldnt make a difference. but i refuse to be the one to ask to hang out or go see a movie. why should i when you started all this? you and me have parted ways and i guess i just have to deal with that.
i dont like feeling the only person i have to hang out with is aaron. as much as i love him, i need to hang out with my other friends also. but why should i always be the one to text first? im not going to.
yeah whatever.
im done.
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| Ahh people.... |
[14 Aug 2008|12:20am] |
i love stumbe apon.....
(I’m a flight attendant, and was doing my pre-takeoff check in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.)
Passenger: “Is it ok if my camera is here for the flight?”
Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.”
Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?”
Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.”
Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?”
Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.”
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[30 May 2008|12:59am] |
I am a complete and totally mess. Everything has gotten so screwed up. things got worse and worse everyday until things just came to a complete disater.
Why why why did i think i could do this? there was nothing to prove me that i could and i should have listened. But no im stubborn. and i dont listen. and believe me its dug my grave. . I am not the person i want to be. I've been soooooo unhappy for so freaking long. and now it catching up to me. along with everything else that has gone wrong.
and i know that everything that has gone has been my fault. and thats because Im the type of person if theres a problem that i cant solve i will just forget it exist and hope it goes away and thats why I HATE the person i have become. absoulty, completely HATE it. im also a major idiot with no freaking common sence. i did something the other night that could have proven deadly for me and i hate to thing i would even put myself that suition. Im almost 21 freaking years old!!! I shouldnt be making stupid ass mistakes like this! I shouldnt have dug myself in this hole with no way of getting out. i should be over acting like this. i should know better. i should. i should. i should. and i dont. and it disguts me. oh my god it does.
i hate it. i hate this. i hate me. if i could away and not come back i would do it in a heartbeat. this isnt right. none of it. and i still have no idea how to fix it. im done. done with all of.
and before you ask...none of this is about at guy. well most of it isnt.
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| Ho Ho Holy crap is it hot in here. |
[18 Dec 2007|11:39pm] |
i cant believe how much you really suck.
thats all i have to say.
oh and its not the you that i have mentioned in every other entry. now its a new you.
arent you proud of me?? im finally over the old you.
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| everytime she hisses i swear shes saying "rachel" |
[03 Dec 2007|12:34am] |
wow.
wow.
wow.
it wasnt like i expected this never to happen. I knew it would. but i just didnt perpare myself for it i guess.
and the truth is i shouldnt even care.
everyone warned me about you. but i didnt listen. you were my mistake to make. I knew when i met you that you would be hard to forget. i knew you would break my heart. and believe me baby you did. i dont even know how many hours i cried about you. im mad that i didnt get the chance to show you how much i really cared about you.
i cant say i hate you. because im my heart i really dont. i do hate how you treated me in the recent months. and i hate how you make me feel sometimes.
never regret something that once made you smile. thats one of my favorite quote and it goes perfectly to you.
you made me smile. you made me happy. you made me feel good about myself.
But this has to be end.
i'm going to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed.
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| What if she jumped out of the crib? Cant lift her own head but yes jumped. |
[19 Oct 2007|12:58am] |
I thought it might be time to update.
I started working yesterday at Payless Shoes in the mall.
Its going good so far. I get great deals on shoes which is an excallant plus.
Im not going to school this semester. There were alot of problems so i decided to take the semester off and im planning on going back to the mount in the spring and then im going to take summer classes so that im not behind.
Im extremely happy to be working again. My days were filled with nothing but thinking of you and to be honest it was killing me. I wasnt happy. im still not entirely happy but im getting there. Except when i drink then i get a little emotional but oh well.
Im getting over you. Slowly. very slowly but hey, its a start.
I had the perfect idea of you in my head but you certainly proved me wrong. thank god you did. was ever a fool to think that you were going to mean what you say.
there are so many things i would like to say to you. you werent supposed to break my heart. you werent supposed to make me cry or make my feel the way i did. But i make no excuses for the way i acted or my feelings for you.
my feelings were true. but i can no longer say that i believe yours were.
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| yeah... |
[08 Sep 2007|12:47pm] |
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i realized that my last post was really mean. or at least the last line was. so when you read it. im sorry.
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| I am McLovin. |
[08 Sep 2007|11:06am] |
would life be easier if i had never developed feelings for you? totally. but then i would have missed the few times you made me feel like the world.
i am sorry for the way i feel. if i could change my feelings for you i would. i dont like feeling this way. i dont want to feel this way. i dont like the way you make me feel. i would love for you not to be on my mind 24/7. i would love to get over you. i would love for you to want me. i would love not to cry over you. i would love to be able to love you. but most of all i would love for you to let me love.
ignore me. its what you do best.
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| Back... |
[03 Sep 2007|11:57pm] |
So im back from my roadtrip with Miah. We ended up driving through the night last night and i got home around 4 am. The trip was awesome. Driving across the country was crazy but totally cool. Some states were so boring tho. On wed we went threw CA, NV and Utah. On Thursday it was Utah and colorado. Friday was Colorado and kansas. Sat we went threw Kansas, Missouri, Illinois and Indiana. Sunday we went threw Indiana, Ohio, West Virgina, Pennsylvania, new york and back here.
We stayed in a hotel the first 3 nights then we stayed with Miah's family in Indiania. That was cool. Miah was anxious to get home we drove threw the night on sunday which was cool.
The whole trip was so cool and i am so happy that i had the opportunity to do something like this especially with a great guy like Miah.
School starts on thursday if i can get the money to actually go. But im gonna call and figure things out tomorrow. hopefully all goes well.
Today was crazy. i was up at 11 after not going to sleep till 5am. I went to a family BBQ at Brittneys grandmother house with brittney, ian, kim, chi and adam. Then i went and picked up my car at my sisters. I hung out there for a little while talking with them and visiting my babies. The Brittney, Ian and me hung out untill I had to met Jordan and Jon then we all went to see Halloween. Which i thought was really good. Then we had a crazy time at Dennys.where we met up with Kim and Nik. Now everyone is up stairs watching Blades of Glory. Im downstairs because being upstairs with 3 couples while im alone isnt fun.
Tarah i hope you are having a blast at school!!! I cant wait to see you when you come back!!love you tons sweetie!!!
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| Were you so late because you were burying this women? |
[26 Aug 2007|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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So on tuesday at 5:30 I will on a plane to San Diego to met with Miah and drive across the country with him.
One night online i was talking with Miah and i mentioned that i was giving my 2 weeks notice at work and that i would be babysitting for my sister for 2 weeks and that by the time he was done working in NM i would be done babysitting and what did he think about me flying out there and driving home with him? well he thought it was a great idea (obviousily or else i wouldnt be flying out) anyways, he say that he was going to be driving to San Diego to visit with family and could i fly out there instead? I said of course.
So im pretty nervous. But its a good nervous. Theres something crazy about flying across the country and driving back with a guy. I never ever in a million years thought i would be doing something like this. Of course its going to be legendary. i know we will have an AWESOME time. but that doesnt stop me from being apprehensive thinking about whats gonna happen.
I start school on sep. 6th. i only have classes on tuesday and thursday. I have 5 classes including one online class. Im taking an english class, math,, 2 psych and a critial thinking class. Im happy that i only have to drive to worcester 2 days a week. the only sucky thing is that im there from 8 to 7 on tuesdays.
Babysitting these last 2 weeks has been alright. its been fun spending times with my babies. they are getting so big and are so frigging cute at times. i have to babysit tomorrow. Then kim is picking me up because im leaving my car at my sisters so my brother in law can fix my brake pads and rotors. Then i have to pack tomorrow night. which i am totally not excited about. Then tuesday i have to go to worcester to do some finicial stuff. Kimmi, Jordan and I are leaving around 2 on tuesday. my flight is at 5:30 and its gets in around 11:30 which is 8:30 in San Diego. Im spending the night with my brothers that night and then Miah will pick me up wednesday morning from there.
Im not crazy right?
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| I got drunk and married in Vegas. To Ross. |
[18 Jul 2007|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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I got to Las Vegas in 3 days. We fly out Saturday night at 8:30. Im wicked excited. This trip is gonna be awesome. Im not sure if i can gamble. Some people have said yes and some have said no. I guess we'll see. Im also wicked excited about the plane ride too because its my first one. Im not sure how great it will be with 4 kids but im still wicked pumped.
Im been feeling pretty werid lately. Its seem liked after everytime i talked with you, it put me in such a bad mood. People know when im in a bad mood too because i wear my heart on my sleeves. I've done so much thinking over this past week that my head hearts. There are soooooooooooooo many things that i want to do and see. I want to gradutate from college and help as many people as i can. I want to see the world.
We talk about this road trip but sometimes i dont think it will really happen and that makes me sad. Hopefully all will go as planned. A roadtrip with you guys would be amazing.
I told you today that i was jealous that you have such a better job then i did. and i truely ment it. The fact that your 2500 miles away, in such a beautiful state doing something that you love and that makes you happy, is beyond me. I want to beable to say that i did something like that. Im gonan make it my goal to get an awesome job next summer. Maybe you can help?
Dont get me wrong. I love living with Kimmi. She is my best friend and this family is great. But i wonder sometimes what would have happened to me if i had stayed with my family. Would i be who i person i am right now? Propbaly not. I miss my mom and dad like crazy tho. And i know that i should call and stop by more often but its awwarkd when i do. I know my dad misses me too and it break my hearts when he tells me this. I need to make it an effort to make things right.
I also feel the need to patch thing up with you too. What happened between us was awesome and i wouldnt change it for the world. Please dont apologize. It also makes me sad to think you might not be coming home but I know that if you dont then would be doing something terrific with you life and you'll be loving every minute of it. Your life will be something amazing and i cant wait to see what you make out of it. Im not really sure whether i should be writing this knowing you will be reading it...but you really made me feel like i am something special. I've told you things i've never dreamed about telling anymore. but i told you. thanks for not caring about my problem and making me feel like its not a big deal. just...thanks.
What happened to Courtney made me realize just how short life is. I know people say this all the time but its so completely true. You really need to live every day to fullest and not live life in regrets because that doesnt get you anywhere. I will make something amazing with my life. I will travel the world and make a difference. And maybe someday I will beable to say that I once got you.
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| Joey: And you call yourself an accountant? Chandler: ...No. |
[09 Jul 2007|07:43pm] |
I wasnt supposed to feel this way. I wasnt supposed to care so much about what you say. or dont say in this case. Things were supposed to go back to normal. I dont like that you can make me feel this way. Your on my mind.
Am i asking for the impossible? Is it wrong that that I want you?
Why is the reason for you to be in my life? It was going fine before you. Maybe its all my fault. Maybe I should have left things alone.
But i didnt. and i dont regret it. I dont regret anything that has happened. There are so many thing i would love to be able to tell you and show you. There are so many thoughts running threw my head. I had so much to write but now it all seems...pointless.
Alright. Im posting this but when you read it... just forget it.
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| Athena |
[14 Jun 2007|01:40pm] |
I cant make it pretty like they did but
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
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| How come we never have jam at our place? Because the kids need new shoes. |
[21 May 2007|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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Im getting my new car tomorrow!!! Yeah for me! Its a 2002 PT cruiser. Its black and has puprle flames. Everyone making fun of me for getting it but i like it and thats all that matters. On other notes, Miah left last week for NM. It a good thing because now i have 3 months to get over him. I think i can do it but then im worried that when he comes back i will developed feelings for him again. But we'll see what happens.
Because im not babysitting this summer im planning a list of things that i want to do.
1) Six Flags with Tarah and Kim. But kimmi wont go on any of the big rides. You guy can come if you want.
2)Hampton Beach with Megan and anyone else that wants to go.
3) Mini-golfing because i've never been.
4) Las Vegas in July but thats already a difinite. Im soooooo excited.
5) A birthday party for me. I think i'll ask Kim if she wants to make it a double birthday party.
6) now that im getting my new car i want to take a couple little roads trip to different place in new england when i have 2 or 3 days off in a row. I will have to make of list of places i want to see. Anyone is welcome to come.
7) figure out what the hell im going to do next year for school as i didnt do as well this semester as i should have.
8) if anyone else thinks of anything good let me know.
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solodreams06's journal
THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE.
pissed off